Panties and Butt Talk
by SymphonicMetalChocobos
Summary: What happens when you ask someone if they've worn panties? You end up talking about butts and just butts. Warnings: Slight Yaoi language, and most importantly, gratuitous butts.


"Xig, I know this is weird, but like... have you ever tried on women's panties?"

Rapid moving fingers stopped abruptly before a thumb near slammed down on the PlayStation 3 controller's start button to pause his game before Xigbar turned his head and stared at Axel like he was some sort of a monster, before bursting into crazed sounding laughter.

"No, I never wore panties. I've worn g-strings and thongs, but no panties! " Xigbar shook his head, laughing even more. He coughed loudly. "Dude, have you? Did you wear'em for Roxas? Ohh, I bet he's got a panty fetish!"

Axel just stared at Xigbar in total silence for a moment, swallowing a little at the thought. He couldn't deny that'd be really kind of hot, more so if he had the fetish and Roxas got into panties like that...

Lips curling into a sly grin, Xigbar quickly leaned over, struggling not to laugh as he whispered,"_Does Roxy have a panty fetish_?"

Axel playfully pushed his friend away from him and nearly off the purple bean bag chair he was settled down in, laughing softly. "No, my boyfriend doesn't have a panty fetish. I think I'd know if he had a panty fetish. I like to think of myself as the utmost expert on Roxas next to Roxy himself."

"Ohhh, then you must have a panty fetish!" Xigbar concluded with a grin, laughing even harder at the thought. "You wanna see Roxas in panties. Frilly panties, I bet!"

The redhead's face lit up like a Christmas tree light, blush nearly nearly as red as his hair.

"N-No, I don't have a panty fetish for Roxas! He'd look good in frilly panties but still, no fetish!"

"Then ya have a panty fetish for me?"

"Oh, hell no, please, no!" Axel began laughing as hard as the pepper haired man had, trying in vain to stifle his laugh by biting his lip, but to no avail.

"Oh, I bet you do!" Grinning like the Cheshire Cat, Xigbar straightened up and pointed at his friend with a snicker. "That's why you asked, you wanted ta see if you could get me in some panties, didn't you, Axel? Or th' thong... Oh, wait, no, th' g-string! Or maybe nothing at all, just my bare butt, ready to be touched, squeezed, and smacked by you?"

"Stop giving me these mental images, please! Please," Axel begged, clutching at his sides and laughing so hard his eyes were stinging from gathering tears.

"Face it. Flamesilocks, you want your hands on my butt cheeks whatever I'm wearin'."

Axel laughed even harder if it was possible, tears rolling down his cheeks, squirming and jiggling around on his red bean bag chair until he rolled right off of it and onto the floor.

"Dude, Don't laugh, don't laugh! Listen, Axel, this is the offer of the year." Xigbar crosses his arms, looking at Axel with a look of dead seriousness. "As my friend, and my best friend too, I am offerin' you 24/7 access to my butt cheeks if you wish to squeeze or smack them, as long as I'm not goin' out with someone. But I am single so you will have total butt access! ...Special underwear is extra though, I'mma need you to like pay for that. I mean like panties'n stuff, 'cause I wear thongs and g-strings regularly so that's not special."

The laughing cut off quickly, and Axel straightened up, looking over at Xigbar with a look of pure confusion. Was he serious? Was Xigbar legitimately offering him... 'butt access'? The more he thought about the peculiar phrase, the more sexual and hilarious than it already was. All it really made him think about was sex, not just squeezing or smacking someone's butt.

"You're really serious aren't you, even knowing I have a boyfriend?"

"You're damn right I am! I am givin' you full a full access pass to my butt cheeks. You can give into those hidden desires, dude!"

"I don't have hidden desires like that! At least not about you."

"Don't lie to me." Xigbar squirmed as he laughed. "You want my butt, it's the only butt you could ever want! You want to feel that perfect mix of firmness and jiggliness."

"No. No, the only butt I want is Roxas'." Axel joined in the laughter, shaking his head.

"Butt cheeeks!" Xigbar laughed harder, leaning back in the bean bag chair as he kicked his legs a little. "You want mine so bad, it's all you think about! I bet... I bet you dream of touching my butt cheeks!"

"I do not, shut up! And quit telling me about your ass, I doubt it's a perfect mix between those two things."

"If you doubt my knowledge of my own butt, then why don't you jus' find out for yourself?" A smirk appeared on Xigbar's face, and he chuckled. "I gave you full butt access, y'know."

"I'm seriously starting to think you've got crazy. But... you kind of made me curious." Axel sighed a little and crossed his arms. "As much as you talk about you ass, I've always wondered if you were lying or not."

"Weeelll, now is your chance ta find out," Xigbar stated, grinning hard and undoing his pants, pulling them down enough to expose his ass, but not his crotch. "Put those hands on my cheeks and give'em a good squeeze!"

As Axel shrugged a little and moved off his bean bag chair and over to Xigbar's side, curiosity overwhelming him, his boyfriend Roxas just chuckled at what he was hearing from the nearby kitchen, focused on the casual game of Gin rummy his twin brother and he were playing. He bit his lip a little, fingering the smooth playing cards in his hand, trying to see if he had any matches, but alas, his hand was empty. He sighed and drew a card from the little stack in the middle of the kitchen table, looked at it, and decided it place it down in the line of cards next to the deck.

"Your turn, Ven." Roxas cursed a little under his breath, then chuckled softly. "I think you're gonna win this hand, I've only had one match since we started and you've got five."

"You hear them don't you, Rox?" Ventus raised an eyebrow at his twin brother, glancing down for a moment to grab a card off the pile.

"Yeah, I do. Ax and Xig are just messing around." Roxas laughed a little.

"Uh... I really don't think they are. They don't sound like it."

"Pfft. Please. You're telling me my boyfriend wants to touch Xigbar's ass?"

"That's kind of what it looks like..."

"You need to stop jumping to conclusions." Roxas frowned a little. "Ax and Xig play around like this all time. I know it can be annoying, but they're just having fun."

"But I'm not, Rox." Ventus frowned right back at him, crossing his arms. He pointed towards the living room, only a hallway away and right in his view. "I mean... Look!"

"You can't be serious... but fine, I'll look." Roxas sighed, wondering whether his twin was being serious or just playing some kind of a joke on him, but he decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and look. He just hoped Ventus was pulling this so he could look at his cards or the deck like he did as a child. Ventus probably wouldn't do that, but... still. Sighing, he kept his cards in his hand just in case as he turned and peeked around the wall to look into the living room.

"...What the..." Roxas just stared at stunned silence. Ventus couldn't have been right, but... there Axel was, hands clasped on Xigbar's butt cheeks and squeezing, a look of pleasant surprise on his face. Roxas blinked a few times, mind coming up with no possible answer as to why he was seeing what he was. He laid his cards down and got to his feet, walking over and standing in the doorway of the living room.

"What in flying fuck am I looking at here?"

One and half pairs of eyes snapped over at Roxas' voice.

"R-Rox!" Axel stammered, hurriedly pulling his hands away from Xigbar's ass and scooting away from him. "Alright, I know this looks weird, but I can explain! Xigbar tempted me into doing it, I was just curious!"

"I'm sure yer bothered by this. I am willing to provide dual butt access if that'll help." Xigbar said innocently, staring at Roxas like a deer in the headlights, albeit one with a slightly bored and innocent look. He grinned suddenly, chuckling. "Hey, that could work, it'd be one cheek for each of you!"

"Excuse me, what? Butt access?" Roxas looked absolutely confused. Did he mean... sex?

"Oh my god, Xigbar, shut up!" Axel stared at his friend like he was crazy.

"You two are gonna have ta fight over legit butt access though. Like bribe me or somethin', 'cause I don't bottom easily."

"As mad as Rox seems and probably is, he's going to want my ass long before he wants yours..." Axel swallowed hard.

"What if I shake my butt. Roxas might want me first, I dunno."

"I won't ever want you, Xig." Roxas just rolled his eyes and sighed a little.

"You underestimate the powers of my ass, Rox. It can perform miracles."

"Listen, Rox, I am so, so sorry... True, some of this is my fault, but Xigbar tempted me into this! I should have resisted but I couldn't-"

"Don't lie, Axel, you wanted this from the beginning." Xigbar interrupted him, nodding a little.

"Shut up, Xigbar." Roxas gave Xigbar a little warning look before he turned his attention to Axel. "Don't tell me you were seriously curious about his ass."

"...I am. You've heard what he always saying! I wanted to find out for myself-" The redhead was caught by another interruption from Xigbar.

"The power of butt compels you! It's loud roar tells you to grasp it and squeeze it!"

Before he could stop himself, Roxas fell into hysterical laughter followed by Axel, caught off guard by the randomness and hilariousness of the man's statement.

"Great, just what I needed... mental images of your ass telling me to squeeze it..." Roxas coughed softly, playful sarcasm in his voice. "I think I'll be having nightmares tonight."

"Dammit, Xig... you're killing my sides..." Axel coughed a little, trying to stifle his laughter and calm down. As the laughter gradually died down, he regained his composure, but not without snickering at the very thought. "I'll admit Rox, Xig wasn't lying about his ass. I miiight just like it... not as much as yours though! And I don't have any romantic attachment to him, I assure you."

"Alright... Maybe I can let this slide if you don't touch his ass again." Roxas shook his head and chuckled.

"Sorry Rox, but Axel will come back to me for more ass squeezing and smacking. I apologize, my butt has this effect. He's touched it once. My ass can be compared to Lays' Chips. Just one squeeze is not enough. You need a whole bag worth of squeezes to be satisfied, and even then, you just want more and more." Xigbar looked over at Roxas and grinned. "It can perform miracles even."

"God, I am never going to think of Lays in the same way again..." Roxas snorted out a laugh. "Getting _those _images out of my head... Xig, Ax is not going to be touching your butt again. You can drop the weird butt fetish act thing going on. And your butt cannot perform miracles."

"Rub my butt cheeks if ya want to find out. I guarantee a miracle'll happen. Vanitas will get that stick out of his ass, Xaldin'll shave all his nasty pubic chest hair off, Axel's buddy Saix'll grow a sense of humor! And who's ta thank? My butt!" Xigbar snickered before going into full on laughter, kicking his feet a little, finding his antics absolutely hilarious even though he was serious... mostly. With a butt like his, he could exaggerate some for the fun of it.

"Ew... just ew, to the pubic hair thing." Axel chuckled a little. "After this whole... thing, I'm seriously starting to think you're crazy, Xig."

"About this whole thing..." Roxas paused for a moment to get out the last of his laughs at the humorous thoughts before continuing. "Can I talk to you in the kitchen, Ax?"

"Uh, sure. Woah-!" Axel gasped a bit in surprised as Roxas stepped over and pulled him to his feet, and promptly proceeded to half drag, half pull him into the kitchen.

"Alrighty then. Think about the offer, Rox!" Xigbar yelled, snickering a little before he turned back to his Playstation 3 and unpaused his copy of Kingdom Hearts 2, instantly grinning as he continued pounding away at the little monsters on the screen.

Roxas just rolled his eyes and pulled Axel around the corner and towards the kitchen table, out of Xigbar's view, not that he was at all interested at what was going on besides the game and his weird... act. He honestly didn't know what to think about his friend sometimes. He straightened Axel up in front of him before crossing his arms.

"Axel, you're in trouble~" Ventus teased with a grin on his face, honestly not sure what was going to happen. In fact, he really didn't know what was going on anyways, all he knew was it involves butts and Axel had touched Xigbar's butt. Why, he didn't know.

"Ven, he's not in that much trouble." Roxas chuckled a little. "So... How exactly did you go from playing a game to touching Xigbar's ass, Ax?"

"Um... Well, I was thinking of random stuff, and I randomly asked Xig if he'd ever worn panties, and then one thing lead to another, he thought you had a panty fetish for me, then thought I had a panty fetish for you, _then _he thought I had one for him!"

"Uh-huh... So this is ultimately your fault?" Roxas quirked an eyebrow.

"...Yes."

"Care to explain _why_ you were touching his ass?"

"Like I said, he tempted me and then the butt access thing, and admittedly... I was curious. You know he goes on and on about how nice his ass is, and well, I wanted to find out if he was lying or not! And he definitely wasn't... He had a nice-feeling ass, firm yet I could feel some soft and squishiness, and you could feel the jiggle..." Axel blinked a few times before grinning sheepishly, letting out a nervous sounding laugh. "...Not as nice, firm, soft, squishy and jiggly a yours, of course! Your ass is the only ass for me. Yours is the perfect mix of firm and jigginess."

Roxas stared at his boyfriend for a second, honestly more disturbed out by his thorough descriptions than the fact that he had squeezed Xigbar's ass.

"Wow. I'd never have guessed your boyfriend would have a butt fetish, Rox!" Ventus piped up from the kitchen table, giggling and looking intrigued and amused by the 'fact'. "Guess he's probably a literal butt kisser! Does he kiss your butt at all, Rox?"

"No, I don't kiss his ass! ...Okay, maybe a few times during sex, but I don't have a butt fetish! I just can't help describing the feeling of his and Roxas' asses! They're just so great!"

"Ooooh, you're kind of making me curious, Ax. Was it really?" Ventus hopped up from his chair, looking incredibly curious.

"It was, I kid you not! Cross my heart-"

"Cross you butt, Axel! It makes a stronger promise!" Xigbar yelled in from the living room, completely jumping into the whole conversation.

"Everybody jump into the bandwagon! All aboard to Butt-ville!" Xigbar interrupted them again, laughing.

"Oh my god, I'm surrounded by perverts and they're all obsessed with butts..." Roxas just sighed and shook his head, wondering if everyone around him had taken crazy pills which left them obsessed with butts.

"Hey, I'm not a pervert!" Ventus pouted and stuck his tongue out at his twin.

"Join the party, Rox! Yer missin' out on so much butt-filled goodness! Specifically my butt!"

"Xig's kind of right." Axel laughed a little. "I think you'd understand if you just touched his ass! C'mon, you know you wanna touch Xiggy's butt! It feels so nice, not as nice as yours, but still!" Axel gave his boyfriend an encouraging grin, wriggling his eyebrows a little.

"I'm not going to touch his ass, Ax."

"What if I touch his butt with you?" Ventus smiled a little. "Will that make you touch it?"

"I said no, Ven." Roxas huffed, and stared at his twin like he was crazy. How was he related to him again? Right, same mother and father and grew in the same womb. Maybe his twin had been dropped on his head as a baby and the damage was just coming out now in the form of sudden butt obsession...

"Ohh! What if I bribed you?" Axel asked, grinning at the idea that popped into his head, and that could just possibly work.

"...What are you thinking?" Roxas raised an eyebrow at the slightly creepy grin the redhead was sporting. "On second thought, no. Don't even bother answering that, I don't want to know."

"Hear me out! I just bribe you with something and in return, you touch Xigbar's butt! Something like your weight in Sea Salt Ice cream. Or half your weight if I can't afford your full weight in it." Axel grinned proudly at his idea, trying not to think about his cash being drained if Roxas agreed. Where would he even fit so much ice cream anyways? Their freezer only had so much space. Dammit, maybe his idea wasn't the best.

"My weight in Sea Salt Ice cream...?" Roxas couldn't deny the idea was tempting. He didn't weigh that much considering his build and height, but that much ice cream could at least last a few months.

"Yeah, sure." Axel smiled a little. "I mean, sure, why not? I'd end up broke, but, you'd touch Xigbar's butt, and it'd make you happy, and that's what matters."

"Rox, please say yes. Please~ It'd be so awesome to have that much ice cream! I mean c'mon, you can't say no!" Ventus pleaded, moved in front of his twin and put on his best begging, puppy dog eyes.

"...Fine."

"Woohoo!" Axel and Ventus exclaimed in unison, with Xigbar joining in a second round of joyous whoops, and all Roxas could do was just stare, truly questioning his twins', boyfriends', and best friends' sanities. But, at least he was getting his weight in Sea Salt Ice cream. He could deal with the craziness for such a reward.

"C'mon!" It was Axel's turn to grab Roxas, and lead him back to the living room, with Ventus following behind them. "Considering how much you two like the ice cream, we'll probably gave to hold gladiatorial fights for them or something!"

"And the big prize is squeezing my butt!" Xigbar laughed and put the game back on pause, not even having bothered to pull his pants back up.

"I'll be civil with Ven." Roxas chuckled at the thought of he and Ventus in armor and such, fighting in a arena for a prize. "Now, let's get this over with so we can head to the store and get the ice cream."

"Alriiiighht~ Lemme get into th' prime butt squeezing position for you two!" Xigbar shifted, getting up on his knees and adjusting his pants so his ass was completely exposed for their viewing 'pleasures'. He grinned and excitedly shook his ass a little.

Roxas blinked a few times in surprise, not expecting the man's ass to look _that _good. Maybe Axel was right about Xigbar's ass, at least the jiggle part. He could plainly see the jiggle his boyfriend said he had felt. Such pleasant and strangely hypnotic jiggling...

"Go on, hurry up, Rox! Or do you want me to go first?" Ventus interrupted Roxas' thoughts, looking at his twin expectantly and seeming every bit as excited as felt, hoping he got to go first. "

"Yeah, go ahead before your heart explodes from excitement," Roxas answered, chuckling and going back to staring.

"Thanks!" Ventus grinned and quickly moved over to Xigbar, kneeling down behind him before gently, but excitedly grabbing his left ass cheek and giving it a good squeeze. His eyes light up at the firmness he felt, but he could also feel the soft and jiggliness. It was everything Axel had described it as.

"Ven must like my butt even more than Axel!" Xigbar laughed, not at all bothered by the feeling of Ventus prodding and squeezing his ass cheek more, just amused and carefree, and glad his friends were enjoy his ass as much as he enjoyed it.

"Oohhhh, so nice! Alright, your turn, Rox. Then I want another turn!" Ventus stated with certainty, making himself pull his hand away from his friend's butt, moved away to give his twin full access.

"Feel free to take it. I'm just doing this for the ice cream, and... also some curiosity..." Roxas muttered the last part, doing as Ventus had and kneeling down behind Xigbar.

"C'moooon~" Xigbar shook his ass again, looking back at the blond with a grin.

"Don't rush me." Roxas huffed a little, reaching his hand up and giving the pepper haired man's butt cheek a good poke, watching the hypnotic jiggling for a moment. Softness? Check. Firmness? Check. Jiggliness? Absolutely definitely yes. He fought the urge to poke his butt cheek a second time and watch the jiggling, placing his hand on his friend's ass fully and squeezing it. Axel and Xigbar were right... His ass was nice! And just in case, he rubbed his ass cheek a little. If it did cause miracles somehow, he didn't want to miss out, not that he was going to admit that out loud.

"So, whaddaya think?" Xigbar asked, grinning harder, expecting a third positive response. "Awesome, isn't it?"

"Admittedly, his ass is every bit as nice as you three said it was." Roxas reluctantly pulled his hand away, chuckling softly.

Axel and Ventus gave a round of cheers, and in Xigbar's case, cheers and happy ass shaking, and Roxas couldn't help but give a little cheer, albeit a rather unexcited one. Xigbar pulled up his pants and redid them, turning around and getting to his feet.

"Alright everyone, you all have experience the joy that my butt brings. Now, my next great idea is that we all go to the ice cream stand and get some ice cream! I and my butt command it!" Xigbar grinned and started heading for the front door, followed by Axel and Ventus, who nodded their agreements.

"Now I feel like I've just joined some sort of a bizarre butt obsessed cult." Roxas raised an eyebrow and shrugged a little before following, spurred by the thought of Sea Salt Ice cream.

"Nah, no cult. You're all just overcome by th' greatness of my ass! Soon enough that extreme joy will wear off and it'll just become a large but common and not as great as it is now thing that binds us all in friendship and joy."

"...That just sounds weird. I think I need new friends," Roxas teased as he followed the three to the front door.

"It's only weird if you make it weird!" Xigbar shrugged and slipped his flip-flops on, followed by Axel who slipped his own pair on.

"I apologize, my twin struggles to understand natural weirdness. He's a closet weird person. Ow!" Ventus whined a little when one of Roxas' sandals hit him in the back, just hard enough to sting a little. "Apparently you struggle with humor too..."

"I wouldn't hit you with sandals if you didn't say stuff like that." Roxas chuckled and grabbed his sandal off the floor, putting it on and adjusting the straps before putting on the second.

"C'mon, you're supposed to do this after you get the ice cream, not before. Now, let's go! Since I did the bribe, I'll buy," Axel laughed and ruffled Roxas' hair, earning a little punch in the arm. "Ow..."

"Just for that, extra butt squeezing time for you, Ax. I'll do the driving!" Xigbar swung open the door, and lead the his friend to his worn, but still in working condition jeep. He pulled his keys from his pocket and unlocked the the car as he moved around the driver's side and pulled himself in. He adjusted the mirror slightly as Axel proceeded to help both Ventus and Roxas vehicle slightly before getting into the backseat beside Ventus, earning a thanks from Ventus and a slightly annoyed but playful glare from his boyfriend.

"Alrighty, keep your hands and keep away from the buttocks as I am driving. I know it's hard to resist touching my butt, but this is for everyone's safety. Save your urges until we're back at the house!" Xigbar took a moment to adjust his mirrors and check to mak sure everyone's seat belts were buckled.

"Yes, _Dad._" Roxas chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"You want me to revoke your butt access?" Xigbar faked sounding serious and offended, trying to stifle any snickering. "I will give it to Ventus!"

"If you aren't going to use it, Rox, I'll gladly take it off your hands!"

"I'll... do something with it, I don't know. Let's go, I'm hungry for ice cream."

"Alright, alright. To the ice cream stand!"

The engine roared to life and Roxas felt the jeep lurch into motion as Xigbar backed out of the driveway and headed down the street. He couldn't resist watching the scenery go by while only half paying attention to the probably butt-filled conversation the other three occupants were engaged in. Well, that was certainly had an interesting and admittedly fun day so far. Never in his life had he thought about actually finding his boyfriend touching someone's ass, and having it actually turn out alright and even fun. Honestly, he didn't know what to make of it. It seemed like cheating, but then he'd done the same thing with the same person, so did it not count? Well, whatever it was, he didn't care either way. He knew Axel loved him and wouldn't ever truly cheat on him, he himself wouldn't do the same, and it was all in good, butt-filled fun anyways.

"BUUUUTTTSSS!"

Roxas flinched in surprise at Xigbar's voice, and he shot him a little glare before chuckling softly. Maybe a little too much butts and craziness for him, he wouldn't have it any other way, as long as it didn't get too crazy.


End file.
